The ebbs and flows of our bodies can be uncomfortable. I know this firsthand.
In a society that prizes the constant pursuit of taking up less space, we are made to believe that a changing body is a bad thing. An abomination. Even if it’s changing in a socially acceptable way, the change is never enough.
But, here’s the truth: our bodies will change throughout our lives. They will change because of life events, wellness, age, genetics, and more. We will not have control over how and when our bodies change.
And, trust me, I know how scary that can be.
Those of you familiar with my story know that I spent most of my life trying to control the way my body changed. I tried to beat my body into submission, making it as small as it could possibly be. Society told me that my body’s shape and size were completely under my control, and I always have a desperate yearning to be in control.
I used to think that letting go of this perceived control over my body, just letting my body be, would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me. Because, if I developed a decent relationship with food and started listening to my body, chances are I would (INSERT GASP HERE) gain weight. And I was always told gaining weight was one of the worst things a person could do. Ya know, right up there with murder and kicking children.
And then a pretty big life event happened: the pandemic. Many people found themselves stuck inside and moving less. Many people took on more long term stress. And I was no exception. My body reacted to the pandemic. It changed.
And, guess what? It was absolutely NOT the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
I would even go so far as to say that this change has taken away some of my anxiety. It showed me that not obsessing over control of my body cleared up a lot of physical and mental space. It showed me how powerful giving myself FULL permission to eat could be. It showed me that my body will still fight to protect me, despite all that I and the world have put it through over my 29 years of life.
Yes, my body has changed. Yes, I know it will never truly stop changing.
Yes, I know that it’s okay.
Creating peace around the inevitability of a changing body is one of the most powerful things we can possibly do. Let’s work on it together, shall we?