Well HELLO, friends!
Coach Meg is back in the body liberation corner to talk about the connection between body image and control.
Let me start by asking you this: Have you ever noticed your body image worsen when life becomes more out of control?
Maybe a big change is on the horizon and you start to focus on appearance. Maybe something in your world is thrown off kilter and all of a sudden your skin becomes a BIG issue.
I ask because I recognize this pattern in myself. When I feel parts of life that are important to me are spiraling out of control, I want to double down on the things society tells me I should be able to control - my weight, my shape, my skin, my entire appearance.
For example, I first developed the intense desire to get smaller at all costs when college was on the horizon and I had NO idea what lay in front of me, nor did I have any agency. I was not ready for the big changes of living hours away from NYC, having to structure my own time, and (shudder) meeting NEW PEOPLE, but not going to college was not an option for me. I couldn’t control any of it, so I focused on controlling my size - something society told me that I would be able to manipulate if I just WANTED to enough.
Another example? COVID. When my state got locked down and my anxious brain told me this deadly disease was lurking around every corner of my crowded city, I lived in a state of panic. As a result, I got VERY obsessed with skincare. Leaning in close to the mirror and criticizing every pore I could see on my nose? Yup. That’s where I was at.
You see, this is the natural human response. When something big in our lives is out of our control, our brains want to protect us. The way they know how to protect us is to focus more on something we can control. Unfortunately, the beauty standards that have seeped into our brains since childhood have convinced us that our appearances are the EASIEST thing to control. As long as we have enough willpower. As long as we want it enough.
But that just isn’t true.
Not once in my life (and there have been many instances, trust me) has the defense mechanism of appearance control focus made anything better. It landed me in the hospital. It got me spending a bunch of money on weird skincare products I don’t need (although I’ve now thankfully learned about the benefits of sunscreen!) It burnt me out to the point where I was coasting through the days instead of actually living my life.
So, here’s what to do when you find yourself being more critical of any aspect of your appearance. Instead of vowing to change said aspect, perhaps delve into what in your life has changed. Where is the lack of control?
Pinpoint it, sit with the discomfort, breathe with it, and remind yourself there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Simply recognizing the connection is a huge step in being at peace with a loss of control.
You with me?
XOXO
Coach Meg